I just sat on the floor of my bedroom, in front of my mirror, and hacked huge chunks out of my hair.
It's the sort of thing only crazy people normally do (Britney anyone?), but I'm not crazy. I did feel a little crazy doing it, but I assure you I'm not. This is a decision I've made after weeks and weeks of long, hard, borderline obsessive thinking about my hair. The random hacking is only a prelude to Mr M getting home. He is going to use his clippers to tidy it into a nice, neat number 4. All over.
You're probably wondering why the hell I would want to do that. After all, I have one of the strangest shaped heads known to man. This is not for fashion, or because I think I have any chance of pulling it off, I'm doing this for one reason and one reason only.
My hair. Is fucked.
Years and years of styling and colouring has left my hair limp, lifeless and with more colour stripes than a tequila sunrise. I've had it very short before, but always abuse it with bleach. Recently, I had an undercut shaved into the left side of my head, and the new hair that grew looked so shiny, fluffy and fresh. It was suddenly clear what I had to do.
I'm ok with it. Those who know me will know that I'm no stranger to doing strange things with my hair. It's become something of a trademark. And the sheer lunacy of cutting your own hair off willy-nilly is unbelievablly liberating. There was one heart stopping moment of 'what the hell am I doing?' that nearly made me faint, but it passed. There was no going back, vanity was out of the window, and I liked that feeling a lot.
It did get me thinking though. I chose this. I'm at peace with it because it's something that I feel needs to be done for the health of my hair. But there are so many people that don't choose to lose their hair, who have it forced upon them. Those people have not had a chance to make their peace with it. The decision was taken from them and that must be terrifying.
As a woman, I completely understand the impact that hair has on us. After all, the entire reason I'm taking clippers to my head is because my hair looks terrible. I know it'll mean looking terrible for a bit longer, but it's a means to an end. That end being that I'll have healthy hair that looks nice.
Our hair really is our crowning glory.
My hair will grow back, and I'm one of the lucky ones.